The Daily Downer

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Just because something is popular, it doesn’t make it true. People used to think the earth was flat and that Carlos Mencia was funny. On second thought, no one ever thought he was funny. Anyways, people are told that you should “be yourself.” Nothing could be further from the truth. You either play the game or you make pottery and live in poverty.

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Nothing makes a bad day even worse than climbing into your car after work and getting a big whiff of a smelly fart you made before getting out in the morning. I didn’t really think too much about it when I farted but surely it wouldn’t linger for hours, right? WRONG.

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One thing that’s always been funny to me is how dumb some criminals are. I am by no means advocating crime but if you are going to be a criminal, why wouldn’t you do something only if it was worth your while? Far too many people go to jail over meaningless criminal acts such as stealing $70 from a cash register. Mr. Criminal, you’ve got to be kidding me. You’re going to risk jail time with Bubba, sacrifice all the time you could have been working (making a lot more than what you stole), and limiting future career options for a whopping $70? Maybe you deserve to be in jail.

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Every once in awhile, it’d be nice to be wrong to prove that I’m only human. Unfortunately, today wasn’t the day. When I’m tired of terrible service, I love arguing with the representatives. Today for example, I received a notice in the mail that said an attempted delivery from the US postal service was unsuccessful and this was my FINAL NOTICE.

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Everyone needs to feel important. That’s a basic human need (right after owning a plasma TV). The problem lies with the subset of the population that needs to feel extra important. Maybe they weren’t given enough attention as a kid or maybe they truly believe that continually checking their cell phone will make them more important. No matter what, they end up looking like an idiot. There’s one person that I know that fits this mold but I won’t mention any names. Ron P. Sorry, I figured I’d make him feel more important by mentioning his name if he ever read this.

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