The Daily Downer

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>>You're Going To Die A Virgin >>Santa Claus Is A Bad Idea
>>Mommy's Dirty Little Secret >>Severely Chapped Lips

Just because something is popular, it doesn’t make it true. People used to think the earth was flat and that Carlos Mencia was funny. On second thought, no one ever thought he was funny. Anyways, people are told that you should “be yourself.” Nothing could be further from the truth. You either play the game or you make pottery and live in poverty.

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Nothing makes a bad day even worse than climbing into your car after work and getting a big whiff of a smelly fart you made before getting out in the morning. I didn’t really think too much about it when I farted but surely it wouldn’t linger for hours, right? WRONG.

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Halloween. The day that goths actually fit in and a girl can dress up as a dirty mommy without being labeled. What is it about Halloween that makes people so excited? I get no joy out of buying candy just to turn around and hand it out to strangers dressed up in cheap costumes. I don’t give in to terrorist threats of “Trick or Treat.” Try to trick me, kid. I’m smarter than a fifth grader.

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Take this Dose of Downers until symptoms of happiness and green discharge cease.

In case of overdose, immediately call your psychiatrist a jerk.

Golden retriever nurses stray kitten
This Golden Retriever can nurse a stray kitten but there are parents who bail on their own children?

Salesman donates kidney to ailing man
Just think of all the nice deeds you missed out on by being a jerk to salesmen. Maybe you’ll think twice next time before slamming the door shut.

Negative Thought of the Day
TV is for people who have no life. Disclaimer: This excludes people who watch college basketball, The Office, NFL, and Kid Nation.

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Take this Dose of Downers until symptoms of happiness and green discharge cease.

In case of overdose, immediately call your psychiatrist a jerk.

Woman gives birth to own grandchildren
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Bar gossip leads to nasty surprise for couple
Another baby downer. Maybe babies themselves are downers. Anyways, it’s pretty sad that they can mix up babies still.

Negative Thought of the Day
Are you completely happy with your life? I didn’t think so.

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