The Daily Downer

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I always feel bad for the people who stay at their jobs forever. I saw a commercial today that had this one old guy saying, “I’ve been with this grocery store for 26 years. I’m your personal meat cutter.” Come on now, get a new job. No one should do the exact same thing for 26 years, especially cutting meat. I don’t even want a personal meat cutter so what’s the point?

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When growing up, everyone tells you that “You can be anything you want to be.” The problem is they don’t tell you how to do it, how much hard work it takes, or the amount of luck required. I’ve never met anyone who ended up being what they wanted to be as a kid (well, besides Krazy Karl who wanted to be a used car salesman but he’s always been weird…er, I mean “Krazy”).

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Take this Dose of Downers until symptoms of happiness and green discharge cease.

In case of overdose, immediately call your psychiatrist a jerk.

CEO pay: 364 times more than workers
Think about this one while you’re working hard at looking busy at your job. In the same amount of time that it takes your CEO to poop, he made your yearly salary. Don’t do the math on this one, just trust me. Yes, I know that’s a long poop.

Bin Laden branded `virtually impotent’
If the mastermind behind the attacks on September 11th is impotent, how important does that make you? Pretty important if you have some Viagra.

Negative Thought of the Day
Is the glass half-empty or half-full? Shouldn’t you be more concerned with the blood in your stool?

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