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I will be the first person to admit that I’m a jerk. Yes, I like to make popcorn and watch the neighborhood kids learn to ride their bikes. There is nothing more fun than watching little kids fall off their bikes therefore scraping their knees and elbows. I do my best to further the insecurities of everyone I meet and I steal the tennis balls off the bottom of old people’s walkers. So what? These are things I enjoy doing. These are my hobbies, if you consider what you’re born to do a hobby.
Here’s the thing though. If society didn’t have people like me, the economy and life as we know it would collapse under its own weight. Yes, I’m egotistical too but I’m also always right. Let me explain. Nature has many different types of living things performing many different types of functions. You may hate spiders, mosquitoes, and flies but if we didn’t have them, the ecosystem would be ruined. I don’t exactly know why and I’m too lazy to research into it so just trust me on something I remember hearing in grade school.
The same thing applies with jerks such as myself and our cousins, the a-holes. Without us the sales and service of bicycle protection gear, psychiatrists, and tennis balls would plunge causing the “Great Depression” to be renamed the “Mediocre Depression.” So think about that the next time someone urinates on your lawn or keys your car. Without jerks, the lawn care man and the auto repair guy wouldn’t have enough business to be able to feed their special needs children. In fact, you’re a jerk just for wanting to starve their children by your selfish desire to stop our behavior.
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[…] experience some success. Look at me, my mom told me I could be anything I wanted so I became a pessimist jerk. But come on, don’t tell your kids they can be President unless you’re referring to […]
[…] experience some success. Look at me, my mom told me I could be anything I wanted so I became a pessimist jerk. But come on, don’t tell your kids they can be President unless you’re referring to […]
[…] Chapped Lips I’m many things but nice isn’t one of them. In fact, if you thought I was a jerk before then you should see how I act with bad jet lag. Yes, this means I’m back from […]