Halloween Is Here

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Halloween. The day that goths actually fit in and a girl can dress up as a dirty mommy without being labeled. What is it about Halloween that makes people so excited? I get no joy out of buying candy just to turn around and hand it out to strangers dressed up in cheap costumes. I don’t give in to terrorist threats of “Trick or Treat.” Try to trick me, kid. I’m smarter than a fifth grader.

Halloween is a selfish holiday. There are a bunch of snotty kids who want candy. That’s why I buy the nastiest candy I can find so the kids are disappointed when they visit my house. Welcome to the daily downer Mr. Ghost. Enjoy these stale orange peanuts and black jelly beans. Yeah, go ahead and cry. Boo hoo hoo. Nobody said being a beggar was easy.

Maybe I’m a little bitter because no one gives me candy when I trick or treat. It’s just sad that even in the 21st century, people discriminate against six foot tall trick or treaters. Some people just don’t get it. You don’t have to call the cops because I’m dressed as a flasher for Halloween.