The Daily Downer

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Take this Dose of Downers until symptoms of happiness and green discharge cease.

In case of overdose, immediately call your psychiatrist a jerk.

Golden retriever nurses stray kitten
This Golden Retriever can nurse a stray kitten but there are parents who bail on their own children?

Salesman donates kidney to ailing man
Just think of all the nice deeds you missed out on by being a jerk to salesmen. Maybe you’ll think twice next time before slamming the door shut.

Negative Thought of the Day
TV is for people who have no life. Disclaimer: This excludes people who watch college basketball, The Office, NFL, and Kid Nation.

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Take this Dose of Downers until symptoms of happiness and green discharge cease.

In case of overdose, immediately call your psychiatrist a jerk.

Woman gives birth to own grandchildren
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Bar gossip leads to nasty surprise for couple
Another baby downer. Maybe babies themselves are downers. Anyways, it’s pretty sad that they can mix up babies still.

Negative Thought of the Day
Are you completely happy with your life? I didn’t think so.

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Take this Dose of Downers until symptoms of happiness and green discharge cease.

In case of overdose, immediately call your psychiatrist a jerk.

Woman left in CT scanner for hours
The sad thing is she’ll probably sue and win a million dollars for a few hours of being uncomfortable. You, on the other hand, go through your whole life being uncomfortable and you don’t make jack.

6 die from brain-eating amoeba in lakes
Think about this when you’re having fun outdoors. Better yet, it might be safer to never leave your house.

Negative Thought of the Day
If you’re reading this alone on a Saturday night, you might be a loser are a loser.

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Take this Dose of Downers until symptoms of happiness and green discharge cease.

In case of overdose, immediately call your psychiatrist a jerk.

Do Not Call listings aren’t forever
I used to be a telemarketer in high school. There’s nothing better than calling during someone’s dinner. Well, I take that back. There’s nothing better than making a sale while interrupting someone’s dinner.

‘Childrens do learn,’ Bush tells school kids
This must be part of the “No Childs Left Behind” act. Presidents does succeed.

Negative Thought of the Day
The housing market isn’t even close to bottoming out

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Take this Dose of Downers until symptoms of happiness and green discharge cease.

In case of overdose, immediately call your psychiatrist a jerk.

Man in China dies after three-day Internet session
I know this site is entertaining but please refrain from visiting for extended periods. We recommend only 71 hours at a time.

‘Dead’ man wakes up under autopsy knife
How this can happen with today’s technology is beyond me but you know what they say, “it could happen to you.”

Negative Thought of the Day
Is your kid really yours? I wouldn’t be so sure…

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