The Daily Downer

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>>You're Going To Die A Virgin >>Santa Claus Is A Bad Idea
>>Mommy's Dirty Little Secret >>Severely Chapped Lips

I hate my cellular phone. I have this old and half-broken cell phone that works just good enough to not get replaced by a new cell phone model. The thing that annoys me the most about it is not the cracked screen, the sticky keys, or even the bulky size that looks obscene whenever I put it in my pocket. No, the biggest problem with my cellular phone is that I can’t figure out how to change the free ringtone I downloaded back in 2002. You can only listen to “Roll Out” by Ludacris so many times before it gets to be embarrassing in public.

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Nothing makes me more mad than hearing about a baby being left in a car. You’d think by now, after hearing about it God knows how many times on the nightly news, parents would stop being stupid. News flash: Leaving your baby in the car is dangerous. You might want to consider not risking your babies life for a few minutes of convenience.

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Nothing makes a bad day even worse than climbing into your car after work and getting a big whiff of a smelly fart you made before getting out in the morning. I didn’t really think too much about it when I farted but surely it wouldn’t linger for hours, right? WRONG.

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One thing that’s always been funny to me is how dumb some criminals are. I am by no means advocating crime but if you are going to be a criminal, why wouldn’t you do something only if it was worth your while? Far too many people go to jail over meaningless criminal acts such as stealing $70 from a cash register. Mr. Criminal, you’ve got to be kidding me. You’re going to risk jail time with Bubba, sacrifice all the time you could have been working (making a lot more than what you stole), and limiting future career options for a whopping $70? Maybe you deserve to be in jail.

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Halloween. The day that goths actually fit in and a girl can dress up as a dirty mommy without being labeled. What is it about Halloween that makes people so excited? I get no joy out of buying candy just to turn around and hand it out to strangers dressed up in cheap costumes. I don’t give in to terrorist threats of “Trick or Treat.” Try to trick me, kid. I’m smarter than a fifth grader.

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